Thank you Mama Ruth…

It’s 1:21am.

I’m jarred awake partially by the cold of the night, and thoughts of the day ahead that I will begrudgingly take part of in the next few hours.

My grandmother passed away on Tuesday. My life has quite literally halted since then. You can think you’re prepared for something like this, but when it finally happens – the flood of emotions is almost unbearable.

I am not reluctant, nor am I hesitant about attending her visitation and funeral – I simply want to celebrate her life and let people know what a wonderful woman of faith she was, and in my heart, still is.

I never really imagined her to be one that would grow old, and whither away. She always was, and in my eyes, always would be. However, she was steadfast in the notion that all things in life were final, and that one day she would be with God. She knew where she was going and was ready for the journey ahead of her.

She was a truly wonderful person – always meeting us at the door with a smile, always wanting and trying to take care of us even as her own health waned these last few years.

Her life was one of absolute Christian servitude, she touched so many people – she did so many good things. And while she didn’t win the Nobel Peace Prize or cure disease…she certainly made the world a better place.

There will never be another like her. Her heart was always full of gold, her eyes shining bright as the night time stars with love for her family, life, and God.

My earliest memory of her is her baking in the kitchen, and the lovely smells that always filled her house. As a child, Sundays were always the day we went and spent time with her. Then as a young man, I had the pleasure of attending church with her for a while. This is where I really came to know her, and her walk with God. I will always be amazed by her faith, and knowledge of the Bible.

She was, and is so many things to our family: a wife, mother, grandmother, and great grandmother – there will be such a deep void that we can only now fill with positive memories of her kindness, and the knowing that we did all we could to make her last few years as livable as possible.

She led a quiet and yet amazing life. She overcame such adversity in her life – from growing up poor, to losing her husband in 1976. But always, she held tight to her faith. It was her rock, and she was certainly ours. At the end of the day, she would always say that the Lord knows best and everything happens because of Him – good or bad. No matter what happened in her life, she was simply content knowing that God was watching over her.

I had a chance over Christmas break to sit with her for a few minutes. She had been battling dementia but had a brief moment of clarity and said, “John, I’m tired and my body is all worn out – I am ready to go home.”

Quickly I realized that she didn’t mean her little house on Spring Street, but she meant home as in “with God, or Heaven.”

I really knew then that this was most likely the last time I would get to talk to her.

This past Monday evening, I had a dream about her. The dream was nothing really out of the ordinary.

I remember my doorbell ringing. I get up and look through the peephole, only to find that I can’t see anyone – then the doorbell rings again. This time I open the door, only to see a short, little blue haired old woman with her hair done and makeup on….it’s my grandmother and I can’t believe she’s at my apartment in North Carolina.

I see her old car parked in the parking lot behind us.

She asks me how I’ve been and wants to know what I’m doing in NC. I answer her, and then wake up as she is telling me she just stopped by to see how I was, and that she has to go.

Tuesday morning I am flooded with phone calls, and messages telling me that she passed away.

The news hit me hard, and quite honestly I must tell you that I had to excuse myself from work – and go to the restroom to have a good cry.

I ran the entire gambit of possible emotions for I knew she was where she had be longing to be for a long time, and that made be joyful for her. I was sick and sad-stricken thinking of such a loss to our family, and that made me sad beyond words. Lastly I was greatly concerned about the emotional impact on my own parents, for they had been really the ones making sure she had been taken care of these last few months.

Then I remembered my dream from the night before. Perhaps that was her way of saying goodbye? Perhaps it was just a random dream? I would like to think it was her letting me know she would be going.

I also laugh out loud when I remember her telling me that she would never be placed in a nursing home, that she would rather die first. Ironically that day, she was to be moved from a rehab facility into a nursing home. She was, defiant until the end and obviously had the last laugh.

As sad as I am of her passing, there are so many good memories I have of her.

There are so many things about life she taught me.

Any tears I have now, I’d like to think are tears of quiet joy – and being thankful I had so many wonderful times with her, and knowing that I am a better person having her in my life.

Godspeed Mama Ruth – I love you, and I will miss you every day I have left on this planet.

I’ll see you again one day, I just hope they have chicken’n'dumplings in Heaven.

Obituary: Ruth Staton 1919-2012