Afterthoughts

Currently Listening To: Venus De Milo  by Miles Davis

Sunday – 6:33am

I’ve been up for about an hour now. This is my usual rising time throughout the week, although being sick with an awesome cold doesn’t make it any easier to sleep.

Still thinking about my grandma. The service on Friday was beautiful, and the pastor could not have said any more true words of her. She was certainly a pillar of the church and used everyday to spread the good Word. For that, was her life.

And she enjoyed it and reveled in every moment.

As sad as I have been – I was rather joyous for her on Friday as we laid her to rest.

She won.

She beat the odds. She got her grand reward.

I have experienced many religions in my life, dealing with my own search for answers and faith. I have not been the best Christian at times in my life, and I’ve also questioned my own faith in recent years. Quite simply, if  there is a God, then why doesn’t he just show himself? Well, I guess I can surmise if that were to happen, then there would be no reason for “faith”.

Faith is defined as the absolute belief in something, even though there is no physical proof. It is one of the great mysteries of Christianity, as is what happens to us when we die.

I’d like to believe that if there is a Heaven, that it’s not how much good or how much wrong that determines whether or not we get in – but rather if we have accepted Jesus Christ as our savior. You see this all the time in the world: serial killers, generally bad people who accept Christ into their lives prior to being put to death or while in prison. These guys believe that they are going to Heaven. But are they really? Won’t they one day have to atone for their sins? Or is by accepting Jesus Christ their way of being forgiven?

At any rate, not get into a discussion of theology.

As Fox Mulder would say, “I want to believe.”

And it’s not that I don’t believe.

It’s just that some of the Christian beliefs, I find it hard to really believe. For me, it’s more logical to think that God is not some dude with a beard living in the clouds, but maybe a higher intelligence (possibly other worldly) that laid the seeds of our civilization. How do we know that Heaven is up in the clouds? Because the Bible says so? What if Heaven is right here among us, maybe on a different plan of existence, frequency, or dimension?

I know that there is an afterlife. Too many people who have had near death experiences, all explain the same things. The tunnel, the all loving light, seeing relatives who passed away years before, and a sense of going “home”. Also there is a ton of scientific data mounting in this field of study – showing that there is something after this physical life but we haven’t the words to explain it as a species.

This can’t be simply parts of the brain dying off as oxygen leaves the body…and the dendrites and synapses starting to misfire.

I suppose, that in the end is when we all will find out. I just hope I can learn how to have the faith to get me there.

We miss you Mama Ruth.